Finding a decent software job without the benefit of nepotism can be a huge pain in the ass, and there’s this secret code that HR people use that can be difficult to translate meaningfully. This list will help. Most of these are lightly paraphrased from actual Craigslist tech job ads in the Toronto area within the last 36 hours.

• “Must be able to work flexible hours” – At the very least, this means they want you to work 10 hours/day while getting paid for 8. In a small company or startup, it means your boss gets bug reports from clients on his cell phone and will call you in a panic at 11pm on a Friday and expect a resolution before you go to sleep.
• “Must be familiar with (software engineering practice X)” – For all development to this point, they have not been using software engineering practice X well or at all. If software engineering practice X is something fundamental, like a web or UI job mentioning MVC, or any job mentioning revision control or object oriented programming, you’re about to apply to a war zone.
• “Must be able to work on several projects in a fast paced environment” – Management doesn’t know what they want you to develop, but they want it now. See also, “Dynamic Work Environment.”
• “Must have an ability to work under pressure and meet deadlines” – They are understaffed. See also, “Dynamic Work Environment.”
• “We offer a dynamic and challenging work environment” – They have high staff turnover.
• “We are looking for someone with 7 years experience with PHP and the Zend Framework” (Zend was released in 2005) – Either the developers aren’t involved in the hiring process, the developers are really green, or there are no developers.
• “We are looking for someone with experience in PHP, Java, C++, Ruby, Python, HTML, CSS, AJAX, SOAP, XML, ODBC, REST, HTCPCP, and Lisp” – They have no developers or code, and no idea what they need. You’ll probably get to be lead developer, but not CTO. The CTO is the guy who knows all those acronyms.
• “The starting salary is small” – They have no capital.
• “We’ll offer a reasonable ownership stake” – They have no business plan.
• “It’s a small job. We only need someone to…” – …re-implement a product that a team of people worked on for years, but with other stuff added on. You should be able to do it in two weeks with a budget of $200.

And there it is. Armed with this list, you’ll find the software job of your dreams in no time. Good luck!

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