Down With Liberal Heliocentrism!
Hey, it’s nice to see positive progress in education once in a while. After all this time, someplace in Canada—and I’m so proud that it was my home province of Alberta—has picked up the debate that rages south of the border and seems poised to make evolution an optional topic, along with sex and sexual orientation.
I have always held that neither evidence, logic, reason, observation, math, nor any other liberal socialist propaganda technique constitutes a rebuttal of anything I believe based on supposition, gossip, superstition, illiteracy, or incomprehension. Believing things that are verifiable has never helped anyone make good decisions, and there are studies that prove this [1, 2, 3]. It follows naturally that nobody should ever try to teach me anything unless I already agree with it or know it, and that goes doubly for any children I might have (because they’re chattel until they turn 18). It makes me so happy to see that the government agrees with me:
“This government supports a very, very fundamental right and that is parental rights with respect to education,” said Premier Ed Stelmach.
Awesome!
Now that we’re finally making some progress on denying the existence of evolution and homosexuality, there’s another issue that I’d like to raise again, because it’s lain dormant for too long. That, friends, is heliocentrism.
I’ve thought this for a long time, and had merchandise for it even. But I think that the time to act has finally arrived.
We geocentrists have mountains of evidence to support the truth of our statements. Even the scientamists will admit there’s nothing wrong with our view of solar mechanics: those lovely elliptical orbital equations of theirs still work if you make Earth the origin, they just get really huge and ugly. And hey, you know what? So’s your liberal heliocentrist face.
So let’s get out there and spread the word. I want to make it as difficult as possible to teach that the Earth moves around the sun. Write letters to your overpaid conservative wankjob bureaucrat! March in the streets! Spin fire poi while shouting, “This is the way the universe works, bitches! Deal with it!”
- Kiss
- My
- Ass
